Back Through Time

I've never been a fan of Vikings.

Vikings are kind of lame and brutish. They just burn and pillage with no real goal. All of the noble vikings can't really be called vikings...

This aint fucking Skyrim if you catch my drift.

You know what's cooler?

Pirates.

They burn and pillage but they've got a reason for it. 

Fame and Fortune.

And from the song we're about to do I guess pirates have the same feelings about vikings as I do. (MASTERFUL SEGUE... God it's been a while since I've done that.)

Back Through Time - Alestorm

Twas off some Carribbean shore while on an epic quest

Everyone gets a craving for Twinkies once in a while.

Even Pirates.

We came across a strange device

It looks oddly like a metallic penis.

A mystic portal into another time

Last Wednesday to be precise.

Where vikings ruled the land and sea

Except all the parts they didn't rule.

Such mighty treasure they did hold

Most of them are horns from various animals encrusted by jewels but the Captain has always want to say that the Jewels were making him horny in a semi ironic way.

We killed them all to steal their gold! 

Which would be easy as piss considering that they had better weapons and most importantly gun powder.

You put your faith in Odin and Thor

"Unlike us who put our faith into God. Which is totally different."

We put ours in cannons and whores

Sometimes when they get extra drunk they put the whores into the cannons.

For kicks.

Your viking gods won't save you now

Now if only it was the Thursday, than the vikings might've stood a better chance.

When pirates strike from the starboard bow

"Coming up next, when pirates strike from the starboard bow. Are you ready for inevitable pirate attack? News at eleven."

Back through time

The only problem is getting back to the present. Didn't really think that one through now did they?

To fight the viking foe

"They're foes so it's completely okay to slaughter them."

Back through time

When disease was even worse.

Where our voyage must now go

To the bathroom cause there are quite a few pirates who have been holding it in once you guys traveled through the temporal anus as it were.

Six hundred years into the past

I'm not sure if that is accurate so instead I'm just gonna say fish.

Our destiny is here at last

To slaughter thousands of vikings and than cease to exist thanks to time fuckery, which is now a word.

For infamy and plunder we will ride

We won't ride for anything else however, survival is completely optional.

Their ships were powerless against our cannonfire

No shit. They had to move it with fucking ores meanwhile you assholes have got sails. This is borderline cheating.

We took no prisoners that day. Yarrr.

"Aye, we're pirates by the way in case you didn't remember."

The vikings prayed for mercy as we cut their throats

Just watch, they're gonna find a way out of Sovngarde and then they're gonna kick your ass as immortal ass kicking zombie vikings.

But their worthless gods did not hear their cries

I know that's how I like to end my songs.

With impotent gods.